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The below excerpt is from the self help psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.
HOLDING ON TO THE RAGE
If I keep my expectations, I keep my outrage and my
unhappiness. I may fail to see the reasons for those who outrage
me to be the way they are, and instead of accepting their
differences, I cling to my outrage. Why?
Often part of the reasoning process in "why we should keep our
outrage" is the belief that we won't take any action to change
those outrageous people unless we feel anger. Why do we believe
that? Do we need anger to propel ourselves to get an ice cream
cone or to go after our true lo ves? Of course not! Not only is
our outrage an unhappy experience for us, but it is also the
least effective way to elicit change in those at whom the
outrage is directed. If someone is raging at us, our priority is
to defend, not to listen. Often we keep our outrage because it
allows us to project the entire problem "out there" and to
consider ourselves flawless and blameless. Acknowledging that
our outrage reflects unwillingness to accept reality might force
self-examination of our individual and collective psychological
reasons for being outraged, thus moving us beyond the
unhappiness of Stage II outrage.
| Anger is ALWAYS based upon unfulfilled expectations; fully let go of the expecting, and your anger will be no more.
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I often cling to my outrage for psychological reasons. Most
likely I use such current-day outrage as a compensation for the
fact that I am unwilling to face my childhood outrage. Instead
of facing the childhood anger and hatred locked within me, I
express it indirectly by splaying it over my favorite targets of
today. Or if I have faced most of those angry feelings of
childhood, then my outrage may be compensation for my
unwillingness to feel my childhood pain, grief and hopelessness
(more on these difficult feelings in Chapter 10). Outrage at
others is a favorite projection. Instead of seeing the problem
as belonging to me, I see it as "out there".
Am I saying that you should never feel outrage? No, but I am
saying that there is always a happier response. If you do feel
outrage, it is correct for you as your current emotional
response. The tough choices are (1)whether you want that
response in the future and (2)whether you are willing to do some
work to change your response. You first must decide if you want
to change.
Next Excerpt 
| Most of us are often stuck in "conditional" love, which usually does not last and is rather manipulative. |
More Excerpts This Chapter
EMOTIONAL HEALTH = MENTAL HEALTH
ANGER AND OUTRAGE
HOLDING ON TO THE RAGE
ANGER KEEPS COMING BACK
LOVE 1 2
SADNESS
FEAR
STUCK FEELINGS
SKEWED EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION IS RAMPANT
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