The below excerpt is from the self help psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.
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If I keep my expectations, I keep my outrage and my unhappiness. I may fail to see the reasons for those who outrage me to be the way they are, and instead of accepting their differences, I cling to my outrage. Why?


Often part of the reasoning process in "why we should keep our outrage" is the belief that we won't take any action to change those outrageous people unless we feel anger. Why do we believe that? Do we need anger to propel ourselves to get an ice cream cone or to go after our true lo ves? Of course not! Not only is our outrage an unhappy experience for us, but it is also the least effective way to elicit change in those at whom the outrage is directed. If someone is raging at us, our priority is to defend, not to listen. Often we keep our outrage because it allows us to project the entire problem "out there" and to consider ourselves flawless and blameless. Acknowledging that our outrage reflects unwillingness to accept reality might force self-examination of our individual and collective psychological reasons for being outraged, thus moving us beyond the unhappiness of Stage II outrage.

Anger is ALWAYS based upon unfulfilled expectations; fully let go of the expecting, and your anger will be no more.

I often cling to my outrage for psychological reasons. Most likely I use such current-day outrage as a compensation for the fact that I am unwilling to face my childhood outrage. Instead of facing the childhood anger and hatred locked within me, I express it indirectly by splaying it over my favorite targets of today. Or if I have faced most of those angry feelings of childhood, then my outrage may be compensation for my unwillingness to feel my childhood pain, grief and hopelessness (more on these difficult feelings in Chapter 10). Outrage at others is a favorite projection. Instead of seeing the problem as belonging to me, I see it as "out there".

Am I saying that you should never feel outrage? No, but I am saying that there is always a happier response. If you do feel outrage, it is correct for you as your current emotional response. The tough choices are (1)whether you want that response in the future and (2)whether you are willing to do some work to change your response. You first must decide if you want to change.

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Most of us are often stuck in "conditional" love, which usually does not last and is rather manipulative.

More Excerpts This Chapter
   EMOTIONAL HEALTH = MENTAL HEALTH
   ANGER AND OUTRAGE
   HOLDING ON TO THE RAGE
   ANGER KEEPS COMING BACK
   LOVE 1 2
   SADNESS
   FEAR
   STUCK FEELINGS
   SKEWED EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION IS RAMPANT

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