STAGE III - WAITING I have a fixable problem but choose to do nothing about it right now. This is a common resting point that we all necessarily choose every day for at least some of our problems. We only can work on so many problems at once. The fewer the problems we choose to work on, the more likely will be our success at those fewer problems. Waiting does not necessarily deserve to be pejoratively labeled as procrastination, though such a label may occasionally be the truth. There is the need for occasional complete abstinence from "working on our problems" for a few days or weeks or even much longer.

STAGE IV - WORKING on my problem
Stage IVa - Making a New Choice It is essential to make a new choice such as: talk to my boss, parents, spouse or child in a new way, read a book on my problem (this book or one oriented to my specific problem), plan to record one's dreams, start a journal, meditate about the problem, try self-hypnosis, find a therapist, etc. Impulses need to be consulted, acknowledged and tried out (if they are not damaging). Most often the best new choice is just a small change to the previous choice.

Stage IVb - Evaluating the New Choice Do I still have the problem/ symptoms? If yes, then I need to return to stage IVa to make a new choice or to stage III to let the problem rest for a time. My newer choice may just be a small modification if my earlier choice seemed to be along the right track. My newer choice will probably be very different if my earlier choice seemed to result in disaster.

Stage V - RESOLVING (Letting That Old Problem Go). This is the stage where a particular problem or symptom finally seems small and no longer dominates me. Forgiveness, not the glib kind, is required here. Many "forgive" others falsely. When I dredge up or when I still feel strongly about old arguments/ actions, then I have not forgiven, and I have therapy/ growth work to do. Genuine forgiveness implies that not only do I fully understand why my parents (for example) intentionally or unintentionally traumatized me the way they did, but I fully understand my reactions and responses over the years. The words "if only" become meaningless, for I totally accept, without regrets, the problem (or symptom) and its history.

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More Excerpts This Chapter
   Psychological Stages Of Healing
Psychological Denial and Blame    Resolving Issues Psychology
Psychology Healing Stages    Making Changes
Small Psychological Steps    Psychology Steps
Healing Success    Overcoming Procrastination
Procrastination Psychology    Healing Stages - Personal Denial & Blame
Psychology Healing - A Personal Story    Changing Others Effectively
Small Change Locally    A Lousy Way Of Making Changes = Self Criticism

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