"Impossible" Successes
Psychology Steps to Healing Success


An early question to ask yourself about your particular problem of concern is whether you would like to change. Do not at this stage ask yourself about whether such change is possible, for your response will probably be something like: "No, I can't change. That change is impossible. That is the way I am. I always have been that way and I always will be that way." Just reiterating such an inflexible position will usually be enough to prevent all growth and change.


Emotionally healthy adults are comfortable saying the words I love you to men, women, and children in a feeling way.

If you decide you do wish to change, then it is vital to realize that changes usually take time to accomplish. The long haul is frequently necessary. The right attitudes during this long haul are vital. Just because I want to change X does not mean that it is helpful to criticize myself or feel badly every time I do X. Instead, I need to keep my focus on the positive goal of Y (which I intend to replace X) and my possible next step along the road from X to Y. "What might I say or do or feel to move further along toward Y?" can be a very valuable question for myself to help me change. (Listen to your impulsive or intuitive responses to that question.)


The more accepting I can be of myself during the process, the better the results I am likely to achieve. A loud "damn" or "I'm such a lousy person" rarely help to effect change.* Instead, if I can consciously come to believe that my problem behavior stems perfectly (see Chapter 8 for more on this perfection) from my entire life history, the happier I shall be. Also, I'll be more effective changing that behavior.

Next Excerpt  

Personal growth is like a hike of a million and one steps; one at a time is the only way.

More Excerpts This Chapter
   STAGES OF HEALING
   MAKING CHANGES IN SMALL STEPS (Stage IVa above)
   "IMPOSSIBLE" SUCCESSES
   PROCRASTINATION
   A PERSONAL EXAMPLE
   CHANGING OTHERS EFFECTIVELY
   A LOUSY WAY OF MAKING CHANGES = SELF CRITICISM


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