The below excerpt is from the self help psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.|
Fear plays an essential role in nearly all our psychological
problems. Whenever trauma knots get triggered by our thoughts or
by life events, fear arises. For it was fear of fully
experiencing the original traumas that caused them originally to
be tied in knots. Stress is fear.
Fear shows itself in a multiplicity of ways. Those who were not
loved will often sabotage their close relationships because of
fear of being loved. Those who couldn't ask their parents for
love will fear doing so with their current partners.
were trained to be tough will be afraid of signs of weakness
(weakness according to their definition). Those who learned to
be afraid of anger will often have fearful rationales for their
avoidance of anger. Phobias, anxieties and depression are
symptoms that often have significant roots in fear. Whatever
trauma knots you have not resolved will cause you fear (i.e.,
The average two-year-old is a great beacon for emotional health, displaying a full range of emotions and moving beyond them once they are expressed.|
Often we deny the fear, switching instantaneously to anger,
addiction, depression, or other favorite dodges. It is often an
important first step just to recognize the fear as fear. The
process of change can then start, for one can examine the
situation more rationally to see if fear is warranted. Perhaps
something different next time can be experienced instead of
getting locked in the fear. Much fear is fear acquired as a child, which
frequently may be discarded once it is in full conscious
awareness. If it cannot be discarded, then examining the
relevant trauma knots may be required.
There are many available self-help books with the word fear in
their titles. They can be most valuable, for almost all therapy
problems have some roots in fear. Some of these books suggest
turning fear into love. Some suggest facing the fear. Another
prescription is to act counterphobically (doing what one fears).
When you are in your favorite bookstore, I suggest perusing the
self-help aisle. If one of the available books appeals to you,
it will probably be right for you.
Emotionally Healthy Adults (with respect to fear)
1. are not fearful or anxious for other than brief periods of
2. will experience fear (or anger) if physically threatened.
(This is the natural fight/ flight response.)
3. are able to confront and change their fear-causing beliefs
to happier beliefs. Thus, they do not get stuck in stress.
4. are often capable of appropriate action, despite high levels
Few of us achieve the above, yet wouldn't you be happier if you
could? Perhaps one of the above possibilities could be a long
term goal for you.
|Most of us are often stuck in "conditional" love, which usually does not last and is rather manipulative.
More Excerpts This Chapter
EMOTIONAL HEALTH = MENTAL HEALTH
ANGER AND OUTRAGE
HOLDING ON TO THE RAGE
ANGER KEEPS COMING BACK
LOVE 1 2
SKEWED EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION IS RAMPANT
FEAR © 1995-99