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The below excerpt is from the self help psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.
SKEWED EMOTIONAL
EXPRESSION IS RAMPANT
We see skewed (i.e. twisted, neurotic, off-target, etc.)
emotional expression everywhere and rarely label it as such. (By
so labeling it, this may prove to be a most unpopular
paragraph.) Hurt feelings that keep on happening over and over
can be labeled skewed, neurotic or off-base. Guilt, shame or
jealousy that keeps persisting is evidence that e-motions are
blocked and unwilling to be faced. For adults, nearly all adult
anger in the present at politicians, spouses, children,
neighbors and favorite targets is skewed. Tears that don't stop
imply skewness.
Why so much skewed emotional expression? The
reason is that 97% of us learned in our growing-up years to
stuff one or more of our emotions (causing trauma knots as
described in Chapter 3). Stuffed emotions are remembered by our
bodies and our unconscious minds, and they act like internal
irritants. They keep grating on us, keep causing us anxiety and
keep leading us into addictive situations in which we can
discharge the irritating energy in a skewed fashion. A skewed
discharge reduces our anxiety, although temporarily. A discharge
of most of the important emotions of the original trauma knot,
on the other hand, usually eliminates the knot.
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Emotionally healthy adults, with respect to anger, are comfortable with anger and hatred, their own and others. |
How can you tell what the truth is behind the
skewness? There are some tendencies that are useful to know. If
your anger or sadness is skewed, the most likely place to
look for the truth is your own kid anger or kid
sadness associated with your unexplored childhood traumas. If
you perceive your guilt to be skewed, then childhood anger is
the most likely culprit. Skewed expression of love most commonly
starts in one's youth with skewed or absent parental expressions
of love. These are all just likelihoods. We can and do use
skewed love in the present to compensate for stuffed anger in
our past. We use guilt and shame to compensate for stuffed love
in our past. We can use almost any emotion as skewed
compensation for another. Our feelings of relief in such
circumstances, however, will be temporary.
The often lengthy process of discovering and experiencing your
own emotional truths will provide permanent relief. (That does
not imply you need be unhappy for much of that time or that the
process necessarily will take up huge blocks of your time.) It
does mean that there will be moments of difficulty, moments of
stress, and moments of pain. If one learns to e-mote in a
non-skewed way, however, then these will be moments of
difficulty, instead of continuous difficulty. If one keeps on
stuffing the emotion(s), then the resultant stress will be ever
present. To that I say, "No thanks!".
For maximum happiness, contentment and
inner peace, we need all our
emotions, not just the pleasant ones.
More Excerpts This Chapter
EMOTIONAL HEALTH = MENTAL HEALTH
ANGER AND OUTRAGE
HOLDING ON TO THE RAGE
ANGER KEEPS COMING BACK
LOVE 1 2
SADNESS
FEAR
STUCK FEELINGS
SKEWED EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION IS RAMPANT
SKEWED EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION IS RAMPANT © 1995-99
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