The below excerpt is from the self help psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.
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SKEWED EMOTIONAL
EXPRESSION IS RAMPANT

We see skewed (i.e. twisted, neurotic, off-target, etc.) emotional expression everywhere and rarely label it as such. (By so labeling it, this may prove to be a most unpopular paragraph.) Hurt feelings that keep on happening over and over can be labeled skewed, neurotic or off-base. Guilt, shame or jealousy that keeps persisting is evidence that e-motions are blocked and unwilling to be faced. For adults, nearly all adult anger in the present at politicians, spouses, children, neighbors and favorite targets is skewed. Tears that don't stop imply skewness.

Why so much skewed emotional expression? The reason is that 97% of us learned in our growing-up years to stuff one or more of our emotions (causing trauma knots as described in Chapter 3). Stuffed emotions are remembered by our bodies and our unconscious minds, and they act like internal irritants. They keep grating on us, keep causing us anxiety and keep leading us into addictive situations in which we can discharge the irritating energy in a skewed fashion. A skewed discharge reduces our anxiety, although temporarily. A discharge of most of the important emotions of the original trauma knot, on the other hand, usually eliminates the knot.

Emotionally healthy adults, with respect to anger, are comfortable with anger and hatred, their own and others.

How can you tell what the truth is behind the skewness? There are some tendencies that are useful to know. If your anger or sadness is skewed, the most likely place to look for the truth is your own kid anger or kid sadness associated with your unexplored childhood traumas. If you perceive your guilt to be skewed, then childhood anger is the most likely culprit. Skewed expression of love most commonly starts in one's youth with skewed or absent parental expressions of love. These are all just likelihoods. We can and do use skewed love in the present to compensate for stuffed anger in our past. We use guilt and shame to compensate for stuffed love in our past. We can use almost any emotion as skewed compensation for another. Our feelings of relief in such circumstances, however, will be temporary.

The often lengthy process of discovering and experiencing your own emotional truths will provide permanent relief. (That does not imply you need be unhappy for much of that time or that the process necessarily will take up huge blocks of your time.) It does mean that there will be moments of difficulty, moments of stress, and moments of pain. If one learns to e-mote in a non-skewed way, however, then these will be moments of difficulty, instead of continuous difficulty. If one keeps on stuffing the emotion(s), then the resultant stress will be ever present. To that I say, "No thanks!".


For maximum happiness, contentment and inner peace, we need all our emotions, not just the pleasant ones.

More Excerpts This Chapter
   EMOTIONAL HEALTH = MENTAL HEALTH
   ANGER AND OUTRAGE
   HOLDING ON TO THE RAGE
   ANGER KEEPS COMING BACK
   LOVE 1 2
   SADNESS
   FEAR
   STUCK FEELINGS
   SKEWED EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION IS RAMPANT

SKEWED EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION IS RAMPANT © 1995-99

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Q: My most important emotional goal is:
the ability to feel all my emotions
to cap some bad emotions
to express my emotions all the time
to quit running away from emotions to my favorite addiction
none of the above

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