The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.
Many parents would like to believe that their child's hatred is
somehow wrong and unnatural. Nevertheless, most children feel
it occasionally and are often asked gently or forcibly by their
parents to squelch it. Such squelching processes cause
significant trauma knots. If parents accepted childhood hatred instead of denigrating it, then it would be
expressed and moved beyond without any trauma.
It is my opinion that many therapists who believe hatred to be
unimportant are, as a consequence, believers in managing
psychological problems rather than resolving them. They often
believe that resolution is impossible. I disagree.
The ultimate in self responsibility: Wherever I am unhappy, there is where I need to change myself. Most of us blame others.|
An adult who hates his/ her parents of today is clearly
indicating skewness of emotional expression. For it is the kid
within who hates the parents of many years ago. Therefore, any
expression of such rage at the parents of today is skewed and
cannot produce resolution of the earlier trauma. In the process
of blaming described in preceding paragraphs, it is vital that
hatred (the ultimate blaming anger) be felt and expressed by the
words "I hate you, Mom/ Dad for .....". So too it may be vital
for trauma resolution that kid violent fantasies be felt and
expressed in therapy or by oneself, not directly at the hated
ones as they are today.
There is a fear that expressing this kid violence will cause
violence in today's world. In fact, feeling such kid violence
appropriately helps one to become less angry, less violent and
much calmer as an adult. It is the denial of such inner kid
violence that is one root cause of much of our society's
violence. Our society's increasing acceptance of anger over the
past 30 years has brought us all closer to inner-child anger.
Because we are closer to it, it erupts more often and in
inappropriate ways at today's favorite whipping posts. But to
return to our old societal opinion that anger is bad seems
ill-advised to this author. Yes, anger and hatred may briefly
return when another unexplored traumatic situation is ready to
be faced. But their return need only be brief, for the hatred
and anger (associated with that previously unexplored traumatic
situation) can also be felt and discharged permanently. Hatred
and anger can be exorcised and left behind if felt and expressed
as suggested in these paragraphs.
For adults, "You make me unhappy" is false and a manipulative trap.
More Excerpts This Chapter
Therapy 4-H Club: PEOPLE ARE NOT FLOCKING TO JOIN THIS CLUB
BLAMING IS VALUABLE - BLAMING IS USELESS
This Chapter's Quiz
Book Table of Contents
Sexual Education Psychology
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