I WANT A CHEESE SANDWICH

The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.


So therefore I go to the kitchen. As a typical man I head straight for the supplies - bread, cheese, mayo, a knife and a plate. The state of the kitchen is not even in my consciousness - the dishes in the sink, the overflowing garbage pail, the toys on the floor, etc. Whatever lacks relevance in my mind to the cheese sandwich I will probably overlook.


As a typical woman I sometimes think that my spouse thinks exactly the way I do. "Of course he notices the dirty dishes, the overflowing garbage and the misplaced toys! He is just being difficult or he's trying to get back at me in some way by pretending not to notice. It seems I now have a choice either to do the chores myself or to confront him with his lack of sensitivity and caring, also his wrongness."


No matter which of these two likely choices she makes, the man in her life will probably consider her illogical. "Didn't she go out to the kitchen for a cheese sandwich and then for some weird illogical reason wind up chastising me (or doing the dishes)?" Instead of lacking logic, the woman has gone through an involved thinking process involving ideas, beliefs and decisions. A change in focus away from the cheese sandwich was the natural outgrowth of that process. She has been most logical. She just has not shared every step along the way with her spouse. (And make no mistake about it, he really does not want to hear all the steps in that process.)


Contrary to popular wisdom, women are more logical than men and men are more intuitive than women (on average). Seems wrong, doesn't it?

The most important point with this cheese sandwich mini-saga is that men and women typically think very differently. (Do you agree?) While there are, of course, millions of exceptions, women tend toward internal debates, good/ bad thinking and sorting behavior. Men's thinking typically has few words (i.e., what feels right usually causes the next action). Neither the typical male nor the typical female thinking pattern is right or wrong. To try to change my spouse's basic thinking pattern is likely to be harmful to my relationship, for that shows a lack of love on my part for that person today. Some women today are trying to change men's basic thinking pattern and vice-versa. They won't succeed. These patterns are strongly evident even in the earliest years of life. Two-year-old girls are already verbally chattering away while two-year-old boys are more often just nonverbally pushing things around, uttering few words in the process. Men and women typically do think differently and that is OK. Also - contrary to popular opinion, women are rarely illogical.

Next Excerpt  

More Excerpts This Chapter
   WOMEN & MEN: OUR MASCULINE-FEMININE MISCONCEPTIONS
   I WANT A CHEESE SANDWICH
   MEN DON'T LISTEN; MEN DON'T COMMUNICATE
   LEFT BRAIN - RIGHT BRAIN
   THE HOUSEWORK BATTLEFIELD
   FRIENDS BETTER KNOW THEIR ROLES
   SUPPORT MAY BE DANGEROUS TO RELATIONSHIPS
   THE INSENSITIVITY OF MEN
   THE SAGA OF JOHN DOE (white male, average guy)
   THE INSENSITIVITY OF WOMEN
   FEMINISTS ARE A DIVERSE GROUP


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