THE SAGA OF JOHN DOE (white male, average guy)

The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.


Twenty-five years ago, John (a white male) started getting accused by groups of women, blacks and gays of being sexist, racist and homophobic. John was genuinely surprised at the attacks. Over time he looked at the complaints, agreed with many of them, changed many of his ideas about himself and about those groups, agreed to laws protecting the rights of these groups, and even agreed that he probably needed to become more sensitive, more caring and more vulnerable.


Now, 25 years later, John is more sensitive, more caring and more vulnerable (though not to Jane's standards). Yet he still hears the same accusations, many of which he now finds not reflective of what he knows about himself. He knows that he no longer feels superior to women or blacks (the essential definition of sexism/ racism) and he knows that other sexual orientations are not fearful to him anymore. He finds that if he voices disagreement with anything these accusing groups might say, he is again instantaneously labeled sexist, racist or homophobic. And he finds more and more to disagree with in the rhetoric being spouted by the more militant members of such groups. John is being expected to understand others perfectly. If he doesn't, he is on the receiving end of hate, vituperation and blame. John's real choice today about such unreasonable demands is whether to join the backlash or to remain silent.


Its name is Public Opinion. It is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God... Mark Twain 1925

John is not perfect, but he is definitely growing psychologically in many areas. Those who believe that John is still like his old buddy Archie Bunker fail to see how much John has changed over the years. Men with the old views are definitely in the minority today, which ought to be cause for celebration by women, blacks and those of alternate sexual persuasions. John's growth has not been matched by some of his accusers, however, who seem locked in a pattern of blaming and judging others. Such judgments always create unhappiness for those making the judgments. (You might choose to review Chapter 8 for more about judgments.)


For those attempting to change John today, the old blame technique is rapidly losing effectiveness (it will probably never work for the remaining small minority of Archie Bunkers). For outside groups to affect John today will require that such groups be willing to shoulder their responsibilities for changing themselves by ridding themselves of their bashing rhetoric and their flawed thinking.

Next Excerpt  

More Excerpts This Chapter
   WOMEN & MEN: OUR MASCULINE-FEMININE MISCONCEPTIONS
   I WANT A CHEESE SANDWICH
   MEN DON'T LISTEN; MEN DON'T COMMUNICATE
   LEFT BRAIN - RIGHT BRAIN
   THE HOUSEWORK BATTLEFIELD
   FRIENDS BETTER KNOW THEIR ROLES
   SUPPORT MAY BE DANGEROUS TO RELATIONSHIPS
   THE INSENSITIVITY OF MEN
   THE SAGA OF JOHN DOE (white male, average guy)
   THE INSENSITIVITY OF WOMEN
   FEMINISTS ARE A DIVERSE GROUP


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Sexual Education Psychology

THE SAGA OF JOHN DOE (white male, average guy) © 1995-2004