Sex Therapy We All Received
The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.
All of us received a major dose of Sex Therapy during the
Clarence Thomas - Anita Hill controversy. Most everyone was
talking about what was OK or not OK. Who was telling sexual
lies? Then along came the Bobbitts, whose actions provided most
of us with even more sexual lessons.
How best for a woman to respond to a situation such as
described by Anita Hill (where a man brags about his sexual equipment and/or graphically talks of his sexual prowess)? To say nothing to the man is the
response that she said she chose for many years. That response
fits many women's training, but it is an unhappy choice that is
rarely useful today. She was not wrong. (Reminder- right/ wrong
judgments of others just create unhappiness for oneself- see
Chapter 8.) She chose the best response she could then. But
would she suggest the same response for herself or others in the
future? There are several responses that a woman could use
effectively in such situations. (Obviously, there are some men
with whom nothing will work.)
|Your dreadful sexual dream last night indicates that you have sexual lessons to learn, not necessarily that you need to enact the dream's contents.|
If the man is a supervisor, her response had best avoid
judgments of him. Her response (a few days later is OK) needs to
be verbal and delivered with eye contact. I suggest a response
such as: "Mr. Smith, I am not interested in either a dating or a
sexual relationship with you." (If he persists with "why," she
can say, "I don't want that." If he persists, she can shift the
conversation with, "Is there anything else concerning work that
you wanted to talk with me about right now?")
If the man is neither her supervisor nor in a position of power
over her, then the woman has the chance to be more open with her
opinions. Again I recommend leaving out angry judgments, but a
message such as the following would often work if delivered
calmly and coolly: "I had no idea you were so sexually
immature." A man receiving that message as he strutted his
supposed sexual prowess and superior sexual equipment would most
likely find a way to shut up fast.
Tip for Men Who Want More Sex. Many men are ignorant about how
their sexual words affect women. Men who want more sex had best
be students of how the women in their lives respond to both
sexual and non-sexual words. Don't you men want more sex?
|I am not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world... Socrates c. 400 B.C.
More Excerpts This Chapter
Psychology of Sex Education - Psychological Sexual Health Care
The Caviar of Sex
What About Your Dreadful Sexual Dream Last Night?
Overcoming Our Puritan Heritage
Sex By The Scorecard
Do We Choose Our Sexual Preferences?
Treatment Of Gay Men, Lesbians And Bisexuals
Achieving A Calmer Pornography Viewpoint 1
Sex & The Catholic Church
Sex Therapy We All Received
Women And Men Will Never Be The Same Sexually
This Chapter's Quiz
Book Table of Contents
HGH Endorsement - Growth Hormone (Human)
Sex Therapy We All Received © 1995-99