Sex Therapy We All Received

The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.


All of us received a major dose of Sex Therapy during the Clarence Thomas - Anita Hill controversy. Most everyone was talking about what was OK or not OK. Who was telling sexual lies? Then along came the Bobbitts, whose actions provided most of us with even more sexual lessons.


How best for a woman to respond to a situation such as described by Anita Hill (where a man brags about his sexual equipment and/or graphically talks of his sexual prowess)? To say nothing to the man is the response that she said she chose for many years. That response fits many women's training, but it is an unhappy choice that is rarely useful today. She was not wrong. (Reminder- right/ wrong judgments of others just create unhappiness for oneself- see Chapter 8.) She chose the best response she could then. But would she suggest the same response for herself or others in the future? There are several responses that a woman could use effectively in such situations. (Obviously, there are some men with whom nothing will work.)


Your dreadful sexual dream last night indicates that you have sexual lessons to learn, not necessarily that you need to enact the dream's contents.

If the man is a supervisor, her response had best avoid judgments of him. Her response (a few days later is OK) needs to be verbal and delivered with eye contact. I suggest a response such as: "Mr. Smith, I am not interested in either a dating or a sexual relationship with you." (If he persists with "why," she can say, "I don't want that." If he persists, she can shift the conversation with, "Is there anything else concerning work that you wanted to talk with me about right now?")


If the man is neither her supervisor nor in a position of power over her, then the woman has the chance to be more open with her opinions. Again I recommend leaving out angry judgments, but a message such as the following would often work if delivered calmly and coolly: "I had no idea you were so sexually immature." A man receiving that message as he strutted his supposed sexual prowess and superior sexual equipment would most likely find a way to shut up fast.


Tip for Men Who Want More Sex. Many men are ignorant about how their sexual words affect women. Men who want more sex had best be students of how the women in their lives respond to both sexual and non-sexual words. Don't you men want more sex?

Next Excerpt  

I am not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world... Socrates c. 400 B.C.

More Excerpts This Chapter
   Psychology of Sex Education - Psychological Sexual Health Care
   The Caviar of Sex
   What About Your Dreadful Sexual Dream Last Night?
   Overcoming Our Puritan Heritage
   Sex By The Scorecard
   Do We Choose Our Sexual Preferences?
   Sexual Boxes
   Treatment Of Gay Men, Lesbians And Bisexuals
   Achieving A Calmer Pornography Viewpoint 1    2
   Sex & The Catholic Church
   Rape
   Sex Therapy
   Sex Therapy We All Received
   Women And Men Will Never Be The Same Sexually


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