Sex By The Scorecard

The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.


Many were appalled by recent news about teen boys having a competition over how many different girls they had "scored" with. I believe 66 was the "winning" total. The public had many conflicting opinions such as: the parents were at fault, testosterone, boys will be boys, the girls brought it on, the devil's work, etc.


The average two-year-old is a great beacon for emotional health, displaying a full range of emotions and moving beyond them once they are expressed.

What blaming and finger pointing! As a society we are fragmented in the sexual area. We do not have a consensus about right/ wrong, natural/ unnatural, OK/ not-OK sexual behavior. Often in such cases it is fruitful to look at what is needed, rather than continue with the blaming and finger pointing. Those young men (who were in their late teens) needed to move beyond just the sex act and into emotionally loving relationships. That was their next stage of growth. Those teens were like many adult men who are afraid of emotional loving. (Fear of emotional loving also is prevalent among gay men who for long periods of time have multiple partners.)


Women often don't understand that many of today's teen girls do not feel degraded or put down by boys' scoring behavior. Instead of a lack of values, teen girls experience a more healthy exploration of sexuality than their mothers ever allowed themselves. The girls, sooner than the boys because of their societal training, will change their behavior to pursue the more satisfying combination of sex and relationship.


When the message gets out enough to teens that such sexual behavior (scoring with many partners) is typically based upon fear of relationship, teens will reduce that behavior. Nevertheless, I believe that some "scoring goals" are likely to remain for those in their early teens. Full understanding of one's sexuality may require knowledge of one's sexuality both in and out of significant loving relationships. (Those who need to judge others in this sphere had best look at themselves.) One of the healthiest statements about sexuality I ever heard from anyone (a woman in this instance) was: "Over the years, casual sex became less and less interesting for me." She was not coming from a position of judgment or recrimination, but one of valued experience.

Next Excerpt  

Labeling one another as straight, gay, bisexual, etc seems very important to many. But it can be a trap because of lack of clearcut distinctions and lack of awareness that sometimes our desires will change over time.

More Excerpts This Chapter
   Psychology of Sex Education - Psychological Sexual Health Care
   The Caviar of Sex
   What About Your Dreadful Sexual Dream Last Night?
   Overcoming Our Puritan Heritage
   Sex By The Scorecard
   Do We Choose Our Sexual Preferences?
   Sexual Boxes
   Treatment Of Gay Men, Lesbians And Bisexuals
   Achieving A Calmer Pornography Viewpoint 1    2
   Sex & The Catholic Church
   Rape
   Sex Therapy
   Sex Therapy We All Received
   Women And Men Will Never Be The Same Sexually


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