Sexual Boxes

The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.

Labeling one another as straight, gay, bisexual, etc. seems very important to many. Yet the distinctions are anything but clear-cut. We often use boxes to try to define others, but in truth our labeling says much about us. The labels themselves are often used (1)as negative judgments of others (judgments of others just bring the judge unhappiness- see Chapter 8), (2)as inclusion/ exclusion devices that promote alienation or (3)as fixed categories that do not allow for change. Many people don't fit readily into any box. For example, how do you label a person with mainly heterosexual dreams, fantasies and actions who has an occasional homosexual dream? There would be many different labels selected for this person depending upon who was doing the labeling.

We generally do NOT choose our sexual preferences. We choose to act on them, but sexual arousal is rarely a choice for us. It is either there in certain circumstances or it is not.

I suggest that you give yourself a sexual label if you so choose, but that you allow others to be without a label unless they choose to label themselves. What the labels don't allow for are the many who just don't fit the boxes, who seem over time to change boxes, or who may object to a particular label. (A criminal who enters prison with strictly heterosexual dreams and winds up leaving prison with mostly homosexual dreams is one example of a person temporarily changing boxes.)

Only a very small percentage of those attempting to change Sexual Boxes have achieved it by therapy or religious conversion. Many claimed "successes" are in doubt. If it is part of a person's lifeplan to explore alternate sexual behavior (part of the teachings of some spiritual systems) or if a person's genes cause homosexuality (a possibility), then any conversion treatment for such a person will fail. What those who use the term "pervert" (and its synonyms) imply is that alternate orientations are wrong. If homosexual behavior is so dreadfully wrong, why does it exist so prevalently in natural wildlife populations?

Next Excerpt  

Right/wrong and good/bad judgments about situations and others cause most of us much unhappiness every day.

More Excerpts This Chapter
   Psychology of Sex Education - Psychological Sexual Health Care
   The Caviar of Sex
   What About Your Dreadful Sexual Dream Last Night?
   Overcoming Our Puritan Heritage
   Sex By The Scorecard
   Do We Choose Our Sexual Preferences?
   Sexual Boxes
   Treatment Of Gay Men, Lesbians And Bisexuals
   Achieving A Calmer Pornography Viewpoint 1    2
   Sex & The Catholic Church
   Sex Therapy
   Sex Therapy We All Received
   Women And Men Will Never Be The Same Sexually

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