HAPPIER CHOICES

The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.


A middle-aged client one day was expressing her anger to me about her mild birth defect, which somewhat limited her physically. Part of my response to her was that choosing a new spiritual system was likely to be essential if she were to eliminate the anger. Obviously, I was confronting rather than being empathic with her conscious mind then. For the empathy of friends, therapists, support groups and her spouse in the past had not helped to change that anger. She needed the belief that the birth defect, instead of being something that "should not have happened," was a positive life challenge for her to overcome and move beyond.
The challenge for her was to feel OK with her physical condition, to accept it and its limitations without anger, regret, sadness or angst of any kind. Her spiritual beliefs were based upon the common "What we get in life is random chance" belief and the so-called "scientific" belief that when our body dies, our mind does also. Her beliefs caused this woman (1)to be forever angry at how unfair it was to be so randomly selected for a disability and (2)to feel forever cheated because she would never experience a normal body. Happier choices were available to her:
(1)A religious system in which God gives out such defects for reasons known only to God is potentially a happy belief system.

(2)A system such as Buddhism or Hinduism in which reincarnation and perhaps karma play vital roles would give her the faith that she would have other lifetimes with a normal body.

(3)A system that espouses a Higher Power (perhaps one's higher self or God) who gives out such problems as challenges to overcome could prove to be a path of contentment.

(4) Any other belief system, in which one vital meaning of life is that this is Earth School for her, would be a potentially satisfying belief system. This schooling could be learning about overcoming disability, learning about people, learning how to overcome poor self-esteem or childhood abuse, learning how to love, also learning in the more traditional areas of reading, social studies, etc.


It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him... Abraham Lincoln

If she (my client with a mild birth defect) chose any of the above belief systems, then happiness was possible. But it would require changing herself! (She had already accomplished much in therapy before ever coming to me.) It feels so much safer to blame life or others for our discomforts. We feel so self-righteous. The problem is out there, not with us. For anyone who is likely to be permanently different, (differences might include physical disability, skin color, ethnic background, religious orientation or sexual inclination), the standard USA beliefs of random chance and one-time-around will result in perpetual unhappiness. In fact, all of us are different from the majority in many ways because there really is no majority these days. If we persist in being unhappy about our differences from others, it is our responsibility to change ourselves. If we don't change, we glue ourselves to perpetual unhappiness.

Next Excerpt  

Much of today's science depends upon the idea of "random chance." Few scientists are aware of how human consciousness can interfere with many scientific results that supposedly "must" be random.

More Excerpts This Chapter
   WAS THIS CHAPTER BANNED IN BOSTON?
   GOLDEN RETRIEVER MAGIC
   SPIRITUALITY - TRUTH OR QUACKERY?
   SPIRITUALITY IS NOT RELIGION
   WHEN DOES RANDOM CHANCE BECOME A FRAUD?
   EARTH SCHOOL
   HAPPIER CHOICES
   TWO HAPPIER BELIEF SYSTEMS
   ONE-TIME-AROUND VS. REINCARNATION
   PAST LIVES THERAPY
   ASTROLOGY
   THIS IS A SAFE UNIVERSE
   I GET EXACTLY WHAT I NEED
   WHAT ABOUT BEING A VICTIM?
   SUMMARY OF BELIEFS HAPPY AND UNHAPPY


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Book Table of Contents  
Psychology of Sex Education - Psychological Sexual Health Care

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