ALL PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE THE SAME MOTIVATIONS

The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.


For example, the most common type of therapist really wants to help and is strongly motivated by service. Well and good! Helping people to change and heal is the essence of being a therapist. Other basic satisfactions (besides service) are prevalent in society too, and they are as vital to other folks as service is to the typical therapist. Seven basic satisfactions are:

Helping Creating Persuading Learning Mastering Inspiring Expressing

Which of these give you the most satisfaction? Do you want to increase its frequency? We are not all the same in this regard. Do not try to become a helper (or other role) to please your therapist or your family. The other satisfactions are no less important to society. Following someone else's basic satisfaction just leads to unhappiness.


Emotionally healthy adults are comfortable saying the words I love you to men, women, and children in a feeling way.

Another basic difference among us is the basic relating style each of us demonstrates around other people. Famous early therapists such as Karen Horney talked of three styles of relating: (1)going towards, (2)going against and (3)going away from. People (not this author) often believe that the first is normal and the latter two are dysfunctional.


The most common style (probably 90+% of us) is to go toward other people, wanting to relate, wanting to be with them, wanting to interact. One of the two "incorrect" styles is the Saddam Hussein style of going against other people, tweaking their noses, trying to get them upset, acting destructively, being a sociopath or psychopath, etc. The other "incorrect" style of going away from people is the hermit, the schizoid, the loner. The style of going toward others is usually easier for those with that inherent style than for those encountering the difficulties inherent in the other two styles.


That does not mean that one should be converting the other two styles. Instead, the best goal for 'going against' people might be to find their own right level of 'going against'. Therapists could help such people to do so - accepting the consequences of their behavior, being OK with rejection, etc. Similarly, the best goal of therapy for loners might be for them to find their own appropriate level of aloneness. If "going against" and "going away from" are basic needs or lifeplans for a particular individual, then any therapy that tries to erase such behavior will fail. Could this be a reason why there is such therapy failure with sociopaths and loners? While I would agree that these two types are likely to suffer more psychologically and to have many more symptoms, I suspect that their lifeplans are as much responsible for such personal relating styles as their past trauma. If their lifeplans are the cause, then any attempt to change their relating styles will fail.

Next Excerpt  

Anger is ALWAYS beased upon unfulfilled expectations; fully let go of the expecting, and your anger will be no more.

More Excerpts This Chapter
   RECOMMENDED GOAL OF THERAPY: INNER PEACE
   DON'T GIVE ALL YOUR PERSONAL POWER TO A THERAPIST
   THERAPISTS WILL DISAGREE WITH THESE WORDS
   FINDING A THERAPIST - SETTING THERAPY GOALS
   LIFE IS LUMPY
   CHANGES, SELF-GROWTH AND THERAPY DON'T ALWAYS TICKLE
   VENTILATION IS NOT ENOUGH
   SUFFERING SMARTER IS DUMB
   EACH THERAPY HAS ITS OWN LIMITS
   ALL PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE THE SAME MOTIVATIONS
   FEELINGS
   THERAPISTS IN THERAPY
   LEMON THERAPISTS
   OUR SOCIETY IS ON THE RIGHT TRACK
   MISSING FROM THIS BOOK
   YOUR PERFECT THERAPY


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