ALL PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE THE SAME MOTIVATIONS
The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.
For example, the most common type of therapist really wants to
help and is strongly motivated by service. Well and good!
Helping people to change and heal is the essence of being a
therapist. Other basic satisfactions (besides service) are
prevalent in society too, and they are as vital to other folks
as service is to the typical therapist. Seven basic
satisfactions are: Helping Creating Persuading Learning
Mastering Inspiring Expressing
Which of these give you the most
satisfaction? Do you want to increase its frequency? We are not
all the same in this regard. Do not try to become a helper (or
other role) to please your therapist or your family. The other
satisfactions are no less important to society. Following
someone else's basic satisfaction just leads to unhappiness.
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Emotionally healthy adults are comfortable saying the words I love you to men, women, and children in a feeling way. |
Another basic difference among us is the basic relating style
each of us demonstrates around other people. Famous early
therapists such as Karen Horney talked of three styles of
relating: (1)going towards, (2)going against and (3)going away
from. People (not this author) often believe that the first is
normal and the latter two are dysfunctional.
The most common style (probably 90+% of us) is to go toward
other people, wanting to relate, wanting to be with them,
wanting to interact. One of the two "incorrect" styles is the
Saddam Hussein style of going against other people, tweaking
their noses, trying to get them upset, acting destructively,
being a sociopath or psychopath, etc. The other "incorrect"
style of going away from people is the hermit, the schizoid, the
loner. The style of going toward others is usually easier for
those with that inherent style than for those encountering the
difficulties inherent in the other two styles.
That does not mean that one should be converting the other two
styles. Instead, the best goal for 'going against' people might
be to find their own right level of 'going against'. Therapists
could help such people to do so - accepting the consequences of
their behavior, being OK with rejection, etc. Similarly, the
best goal of therapy for loners might be for them to find their
own appropriate level of aloneness. If "going against" and
"going away from" are basic needs or lifeplans for a particular
individual, then any therapy that tries to erase such behavior
will fail. Could this be a reason why there is such therapy
failure with sociopaths and loners? While I would agree that
these two types are likely to suffer more psychologically and to
have many more symptoms, I suspect that their lifeplans are as
much responsible for such personal relating styles as their past
trauma. If their lifeplans are the cause, then any attempt to
change their relating styles will fail.
Next Excerpt 
| Anger is ALWAYS beased upon unfulfilled expectations; fully let go of the expecting, and your anger will be no more.
|
More Excerpts This Chapter
RECOMMENDED GOAL OF THERAPY: INNER PEACE
DON'T GIVE ALL YOUR PERSONAL POWER TO A THERAPIST
THERAPISTS WILL DISAGREE WITH THESE WORDS
FINDING A THERAPIST - SETTING THERAPY GOALS
LIFE IS LUMPY
CHANGES, SELF-GROWTH AND THERAPY DON'T ALWAYS TICKLE
VENTILATION IS NOT ENOUGH
SUFFERING SMARTER IS DUMB
EACH THERAPY HAS ITS OWN LIMITS
ALL PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE THE SAME MOTIVATIONS
FEELINGS
THERAPISTS IN THERAPY
LEMON THERAPISTS
OUR SOCIETY IS ON THE RIGHT TRACK
MISSING FROM THIS BOOK
YOUR PERFECT THERAPY
This Chapter's Quiz
Book Table of Contents
Psychology of Sex Education - Psychological Sexual Health Care
Self Help Free Read - Book Online
ALL PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE THE SAME MOTIVATIONS © 1995-99