THE PERFECTION THAT YOU ARE NOW

The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.


A most liberating and happiness-generating belief that one can have is to believe in the perfection of everyone around. Not only is Mother Teresa perfect, but so is Saddam Hussein and everyone in between. "Sure, sure, another bit of semantics or idealistic intellectualism," I hear you respond. Not at all.


My unhappy thinking patterns, my unhappy emotional responses, my couch-potato body, my lousy relationships and all the rest of my symptoms are perfect. I gained each and every one of them precisely (usually unconsciously) in response to events in my past. For example, if I was traumatized to give up my anger, grief, love and sexuality, then I needed to give them up to get the maximum acceptance (or minimum punishment) in my childhood. If I still don't have them, (anger, grief et al), then so far it has not been safe for me to regain them. I continue to need my defenses against such dangerous (to my neurotic/ skewed self) feelings. Therefore, each symptom is still perfect and needed. Genuine belief in this perfection can lead to real acceptance of oneself and others. (It is also the essence of real forgiveness discussed earlier in Chapter 4.)


Emotionally healthy adults are comfortable saying the words I love you to men, women, and children in a feeling way.

I can then hear you say, "But if I accept that symptom, I won't want to change it or I won't be energetic in my efforts to change it." Not true. What will happen is that by truly accepting its perfection, then you will stop the self-recriminations, the low self-esteem and the negative judgments, none of which do anything but impede your progress toward making the changes that might eliminate the symptom. You may often wind up worrying about the future or ruminating about the past if you do not accept the perfection that is you and me and everyone else. By accepting a symptom as perfect and still wanting it to be different, then the next step for you usually becomes obvious.


"But I still want my symptom to be gone and when I don't get what I want I get unhappy," I hear you respond. Please read the next section.

Next Excerpt  

Even simple-appearing trauma knots are often complex, usually resisting being untied with a few simple insights or quick fixes.

More Excerpts This Chapter
   LET ME HIT YOU WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER
   THE TYRANNY OF JUDGMENTS
   THAT IS THE WAY I AM
   YOU MAKE ME UNHAPPY
   YOU HURT MY FEELINGS- THEREFORE YOU SHOULD CHANGE
   STICKS AND STONES
   WE DIG THINKING RUTS
   SIZE AND CONTENTS OF THE UNCONSCIOUS
   NATURE VS. NURTURE VS. LIFEPLAN
   THE PERFECTION THAT YOU ARE NOW
   BE HAPPY GETTING WHAT YOU DON'T WANT
   YOU'LL SEE IT WHEN YOU BELIEVE IT
   YOU GET WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN
   HOW CLOSE CAN WE COME TO "HAPPILY EVER AFTER"?

Thinking Quiz - Cognitive Psychology Test - Behavioral Therapy Selfhelp
Book Table of Contents  
Psychology of Sex Education - Psychological Sexual Health Care

THE PERFECTION THAT YOU ARE NOW © 1995-2004