LET ME HIT YOU WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER
The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.
I routinely initiate a conversation with my clients that goes
as follows: "We often have wrong ideas about our emotional
reactions. They seem automatic and we tend to think they are
automatic. They are not, for they depend upon how we think about
a given situation. For example, if I came at you right now with
my hands overhead threatening to attack you with a sledgehammer,
how would you respond?" Presume for a moment that the client
reacts with fear, saying something along the lines of, "I would
run out the door." We then discuss how the client immediately
evaluated the situation as unsafe and responded accordingly.
Then we discuss other possibilities such as getting angry and
choosing to fight, or crying in the corner thinking about all of
life's unfairness. The client might just laugh at me because the
client knows that even if I did have a sledgehammer, the
situation set up by me was only for demonstration purposes. Each
of these possibilities depends upon the thinking of the person.
The angry response derives from thinking that I should not be
doing that, also a likely evaluation that I am not too strong
for the client to fight. The crying response typically is evoked
when old feelings of hopelessness are triggered. Finally, the
laughter might come from thinking about a larger idea than just
"a sledgehammer is close."
| Anger is ALWAYS based upon unfulfilled expectations; fully let go of the expecting, and your anger will be no more.
|
With this sledgehammer fantasy I am trying to make sure the
client understands that our emotional responses depend upon our
thinking processes much more than we think they do. Even in an
immediate situation of a poised sledgehammer there is no such
thing as an emotional response common to everyone.
This reasoning leads to, "If I can change how I think, I can
change my emotions." Does this mean I can get rid of my
discomforts, my anger, my angst, my depression, my sadness, etc.
just by thinking differently? Therapists who concentrate on
changing your thinking processes would say "Yes!". (Talk therapy
treatments of choice these days for depression are
"thinking-type" therapies, not the emotionally-based therapies
that one might initially think would be most effective with
depression. Changing the thinking processes that cause the
depression usually is much quicker than attempting to change the
emotional processes themselves.)
Next Excerpt 
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If I can change my thinking about a problem, then my emotional responses to that problem will also change. |
More Excerpts This Chapter
LET ME HIT YOU WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER
THE TYRANNY OF JUDGMENTS
THAT IS THE WAY I AM
YOU MAKE ME UNHAPPY
YOU HURT MY FEELINGS- THEREFORE YOU SHOULD CHANGE
STICKS AND STONES
WE DIG THINKING RUTS
SIZE AND CONTENTS OF THE UNCONSCIOUS
NATURE VS. NURTURE VS. LIFEPLAN
THE PERFECTION THAT YOU ARE NOW
BE HAPPY GETTING WHAT YOU DON'T WANT
YOU'LL SEE IT WHEN YOU BELIEVE IT
YOU GET WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN
HOW CLOSE CAN WE COME TO "HAPPILY EVER AFTER"?
Thinking Quiz - Cognitive Psychology Test - Behavioral Therapy Selfhelp
Book Table of Contents
Psychology of Sex Education - Psychological Sexual Health Care
LET ME HIT YOU WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER © 1995-2004