THAT IS THE WAY I AM
The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.
This phrase is widespread and is used to justify all sorts of
behavior and ideas. And it probably is true today, but there
is usually no thinking room available to those who say it. Just because I am presently one
way does not imply that I will be or have to be that way this
afternoon. Unfortunately, the possibility of change is usually
not even considered by those voicing the phrase, "That is the
way I am" and its close relative, "That's the way we've always
done it." The most important question that needs to follow that
phrase is, "Do I want to continue to be that way?" Do I want to
continue to be stuck with that unhappiness, that addiction, that
low self-esteem, that depression, that loneliness, etc.? All too
frequently we deny the possibility for change. Because we
attempt no changes, stuckness becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
|Our emotional responses are caused by our thinking about the situation, not the situation itself. Most of us erroneously believe otherwise.
The possibilities for change are much greater than we typically
envision. If your spiritual/ religious systems of beliefs cause
you distress, then consider changing them! If you respond
emotionally in unhappy ways, then you can always change your
emotional responses if you are willing to really look at
yourself. (Remember the sledgehammer earlier in this chapter?)
Consider adopting the following ultimate belief in
self-responsibility: if I am unhappy, then I need to change
myself. There are things which are usually not possible to
change (i.e., some physical characteristics, one's sexual
orientation and one's general personality characteristics). On
the other hand, it is always possible to change one's actions
and one's emotions.
If you hear the phrase, "That is the way I am," be on the
lookout for frozen thinking and stuckness. Such rigidity is
often evidence of Stage I denial of problem or Stage II blaming
others for the way I am.
|More than 90% of the work in effective therapy is done OUTSIDE the therapy hour.
More Excerpts This Chapter
LET ME HIT YOU WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER
THE TYRANNY OF JUDGMENTS
THAT IS THE WAY I AM
YOU MAKE ME UNHAPPY
YOU HURT MY FEELINGS- THEREFORE YOU SHOULD CHANGE
STICKS AND STONES
WE DIG THINKING RUTS
SIZE AND CONTENTS OF THE UNCONSCIOUS
NATURE VS. NURTURE VS. LIFEPLAN
THE PERFECTION THAT YOU ARE NOW
BE HAPPY GETTING WHAT YOU DON'T WANT
YOU'LL SEE IT WHEN YOU BELIEVE IT
YOU GET WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN
HOW CLOSE CAN WE COME TO "HAPPILY EVER AFTER"?
Thinking Quiz - Cognitive Psychology Test - Behavioral Therapy Selfhelp
Book Table of Contents
Psychology of Sex Education - Psychological Sexual Health Care
THAT IS THE WAY I AM © 1995-2004