YOU MAKE ME UNHAPPY
The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.
This is the favorite accusation of millions. How convenient! I
don't have to assume any responsibility for changing my
unhappiness, and I can blame you for all of it. An unpleasant
fact I usually overlook is that change by you is most unlikely
to happen upon my demand. Therefore, I am likely to live forever
with this unhappiness. "And it is all your fault that I am so
stuck." Such is a common thought process of victims, and of
those who are blaming ethnic groups for their problems.
It is only recently that major segments of the women's movement
and the African-American movement have challenged the notion of
being perpetual victims. These people are now choosing to take
more responsibility for their own happiness and for their own
lives, instead of remaining stuck in the blame game.
|Most everyone causes themselves distress every day because of their judgments of others.|
There is a major difference between the responses of children
and the responses of adults. As children, many of us were
squelched in any number of ways. Back then we really were made
unhappy by what happened to us, (though most of us learned to
cover over our unhappiness and to put on a compliant happy
face). As children we usually had no real choice but to comply.
If we believe this to be true today about our adult responses,
then we are still letting others control our happiness, still
acting the part of the helpless child. We have given our
personal power away to others, most often to our most disliked
others: white males, feminists, racists, sexists, homophobes and
The major question is then, what about "real" victims, like you
and me and the groups to which we belong? Our choice to see
ourselves as victims violates a number of religious and
spiritual beliefs (like "God's Will," the "inky finger of fate"
and "karma"). If we deeply hold such spiritual beliefs, is it
possible for any of us ever to be victims? No! While such
spiritual beliefs are held by a majority of the world's
population, they still represent only a minority in the USA,
albeit a fast-growing group that is nearing majority status.
There is a choice to be made, believe in victimhood or believe
in self-responsibility. The former guarantees unhappiness,
whereas the latter permits a route out of unhappiness.
Straddling these two beliefs is the most common USA choice
today, believing in responsibility for some things but in
victimization in other instances. Unfortunately, straddling does
not lead to happiness, though it presently seems to be the
socially-correct view for millions of us.
Do you want to continue your straddling?
More Excerpts This Chapter
LET ME HIT YOU WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER
THE TYRANNY OF JUDGMENTS
THAT IS THE WAY I AM
YOU MAKE ME UNHAPPY
YOU HURT MY FEELINGS- THEREFORE YOU SHOULD CHANGE
STICKS AND STONES
WE DIG THINKING RUTS
SIZE AND CONTENTS OF THE UNCONSCIOUS
NATURE VS. NURTURE VS. LIFEPLAN
THE PERFECTION THAT YOU ARE NOW
BE HAPPY GETTING WHAT YOU DON'T WANT
YOU'LL SEE IT WHEN YOU BELIEVE IT
YOU GET WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN
HOW CLOSE CAN WE COME TO "HAPPILY EVER AFTER"?
Thinking Quiz - Cognitive Psychology Test - Behavioral Therapy Selfhelp
Book Table of Contents
Psychology of Sex Education - Psychological Sexual Health Care
YOU MAKE ME UNHAPPY © 1995-2004