STICKS AND STONES
The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.
On the playgrounds of our youth we all heard the old phrase,
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt
me." Unfortunately, many societal groups seem intent today upon
claiming that words too always hurt. Whoever believes this gets
to feel hurt a lot and is always at the whim of some person out
there. Personal power is lacking.
It has only been in recent years that significant questioning
of a hurt response to such verbal slings and arrows has
developed. In the gay/lesbian movement there has been much
recent discussion over the words "fag" and "queer" with many of
the younger generation of gays and lesbians claiming those
labels publicly. (Young blacks sometimes calling each other
"nigger" has been a parallel development). By so doing, these
younger men and women are increasing their self-esteem as well
as making it impossible for homophobic/ racist bashers to bother
them with words. This healthier response is an example of
empowerment. A few happier activists are even coming to a belief
that there is no such thing as adult verbal harassment. They are
viewing claims of verbal victimization very differently. Their
view is that claimants of verbal harassment have often thrown
away possibilities for verbal repartee and capabilities for
moving away.
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Most people these days think that nasty names "naturally" hurt folks. Such erroneous thinking is causing huge amounts of unhappiness. |
The process of name-calling is typically based upon feeling not
OK, and name-callers are trying to make themselves feel more
powerful by using the process. If I call you a name and get you
upset, then I temporarily feel more powerful because I had a
powerful effect upon you. My self-esteem rises at your expense.
I project my unhappiness on to you and you take it on if you
allow yourself to be upset. If you do not get upset at my
attempt, then I cannot dump my original unhappiness on you. Then
I am left not only with my failure to successfully dump it on
you but also with my original unhappiness to boot. Thus, if
you're successful at being unbothered by my words, then I wind
up more unhappy; and I'll probably quickly stop those words.
This is a key element to understand, that name-callers will
usually feel worse if you do not react to their name-calling. They will therefore be much quicker to stop
such behavior than if you get visibly upset.
Someone call you a name? Whenever you hear such a name directed
your way, thoughts along the lines of, "The name-caller is
feeling weak right now" will help to prevent a possible hurt for
you. Another useful self-thought is, "Whatever people say about
me says nothing about me but a lot about them." We would be
happier, feel more self-esteem and change the world dramatically
if we all thought the following, "If I get upset by someone
calling me a name, then I have given away my power and I need to
make a different choice."
Next Excerpt 
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Emotionally healthy adults, with respect to anger, are comfortable with anger and hatred, their own and others. |
More Excerpts This Chapter
LET ME HIT YOU WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER
THE TYRANNY OF JUDGMENTS
THAT IS THE WAY I AM
YOU MAKE ME UNHAPPY
YOU HURT MY FEELINGS- THEREFORE YOU SHOULD CHANGE
STICKS AND STONES
WE DIG THINKING RUTS
SIZE AND CONTENTS OF THE UNCONSCIOUS
NATURE VS. NURTURE VS. LIFEPLAN
THE PERFECTION THAT YOU ARE NOW
BE HAPPY GETTING WHAT YOU DON'T WANT
YOU'LL SEE IT WHEN YOU BELIEVE IT
YOU GET WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN
HOW CLOSE CAN WE COME TO "HAPPILY EVER AFTER"?
Thinking Quiz - Cognitive Psychology Test - Behavioral Therapy Selfhelp
Book Table of Contents
Psychology of Sex Education - Psychological Sexual Health Care
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