TEACHING OUR CHILDREN TO BE UNHAPPY
The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.
How many times have you seen a two-year-old in the supermarket
demanding something and then throwing a tantrum when it was not
instantaneously provided? Supermarket onlookers often blame
today's parents "for doing something wrong to that poor little
two-year-old. That poor child is so unhappy, so obviously the
parent is wrong. Are you abusing that child?"
| As regards conscience, God has done an uneven and careless piece of work..... Sigmund Freud
|
The truth of the tantrum is that it is phony. It is
manipulative behavior. We are teaching the two-year-olds that
the proper response when you don't get what you want is to get
unhappy. This causes both us and them untold unhappiness. Life
is full of not getting what we want. We have a choice to be
happy not getting what we want or to be unhappy about it. (See
Chapter 8 for more on this.) Today, most of us are unhappy when
things don't go our way. Do you want that unhappiness? This
unhappy thinking process is one important root cause of the
added violence in our society today. (When coupled with a lack
of conscience about another's rights, this thinking will allow
me to steal your new car, just because I want it.)
The two-year-old is a well-known pinnacle of anti-authoritarian
behavior. We have changed our responses to them. Instead of
swatting them, we are now trying to reason with them or to
elicit their compassion. Many two-year-olds are incapable of
either reason or compassion. Nor is swatting them the best
answer for most. There are several possible solutions, depending
upon the parents and children involved. One possible approach is
that two-year-olds can be taught that they choose their
responses in the supermarket. "You can choose to be unhappy and
throw a tantrum or you can choose to be happy thinking about
where we are going next." (Of course, they will test out such a
change in parenting strategy with several tantrums.) Giving in
to the manipulative tantrum, on the other hand, sets them up for
future unhappiness and tendencies toward violence.
Next Excerpt 
More Excerpts This Chapter
VIOLENCE: HOW DO I CONTRIBUTE TO THE ADDED VIOLENCE?
TEACHING OUR CHILDREN TO BE UNHAPPY
OUR VALUES & SPIRITUAL BELIEFS HELP CAUSE THE VIOLENCE
THE NUMBING PROCESS
HOW DO WE CONTRIBUTE TO THE HOMELESS PROBLEM?
VERBAL BASHING CAN LEAD TO VIOLENCE
OPPORTUNITIES TO CHANGE THE VIOLENCE
HOW INGRAINED IS THE VIOLENCE?
This Chapter's Quiz
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