COMPETITION: WHAT WE LEARNED
The following excerpt is from the self help
psychology book, Be Your Own Therapist.
We usually forget what it was like to be four years old. We
were inferior in everything. Mom and Dad always knew more than
we did about whatever topic came up. Seemingly they could do
everything that we couldn't. They seemed like the biggest,
strongest, most powerful people in the whole wide world. We did
feel inferior, but that is normal for four-year-olds and felt OK
unless we were put down or rejected for being that way. However,
as the years pass, the desire to be as powerful and clever as
our parents typically becomes important to us.
|In a given situation, there is no emotional response common to everyone.
One therapy session with a young boy stays in my memory. While
he and I talked of various topics, we were busily competing in a
ball-toss accuracy contest. He consistently was the better of
the two competitors. As the session was ending, in a serious
tone he stated that he had won the competition. I replied, also
seriously, "Yes, you did". Truth. And an obvious chunk of
increased self-esteem was written all over his face as he walked
away. He had accomplished his unconscious mission for that
session, an increase in self-esteem.
If at an early age we suffered some form of rejection of our
emotional selves (i.e., trauma most of us suffered), then it is
likely that we will want to continue competing forever unless
the trauma knots we suffered can be untied. The traumatized
child, dependent and feeling inferior, often thinks that
everything will be OK once he is bigger, stronger or more
clever. Because getting bigger, stronger or more clever does not
routinely change the trauma knots involved, many adults keep
competing and competing. Such competing provides only temporary
relief, such as that obtained from men's obsession with sports
and women's obsession with shopping. Both are competitive
activities (though some women deny the competitive aspects of
shopping) that temporarily chase the inferiority hobgoblin.
Schools today are frequently attempting to give grade-schoolers
success and praise for being the best at whatever. The essential
point is not so much the importance of the activity ("you are a
great hall monitor" is fine) as the feeling of self-esteem that
helps overcome the natural stage of inferiority in young
children. These school efforts are important but will not be
completely successful with children who feel seriously flawed
because of past or ongoing trauma experienced at home.
|This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself to be a mighty one..... George Bernard Shaw
More Excerpts This Chapter
WORK: DOING WHAT YOU LOVE
THAT IMPOSSIBLE BOSS/ COMMITTEE
WOMEN'S & MEN'S WORK - WILL THEY EVER BE THE SAME?
GENDER DISCRIMINATION IN THE WORKPLACE
THE GLASS CEILING
COMPETITION: WHAT WE LEARNED
COMPETITION: GOOD OR BAD?
This Chapter's Quiz
Book Table of Contents
Psychology of Sex Education - Psychological Sexual Health Care
Self Help Free Read - Book Online
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