How to Build Secure Attachment in Relationships. Best Online Attachment Style Therapy.

Secure attachment is one of the more healthy attachment styles.

With secure attachment, forming relationships and maintaining long-lasting connections, expressing emotions, thoughts, and feelings. As well as, feeling self-secure and confident are some of the key things to know about secure attachment.

Building secure attachment in a relationship requires constant communication from both partners.  One of the most beneficial and favorable attributes of secure attachment is the ability to enjoy deep, intimate, and loving relationships and connections.

how to build secure attachment in relationships

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How do I find an online attachment style therapist?

It is encouraged to write a list of expectations as well as areas that you would like to focus on improving, this makes your process of finding a therapist much easier. BetterHelp has created a simple five-minute sign-up method, where you can be matched and connected with an appropriate attachment style therapist in less than 24 hours. You have the option to choose the therapist that you feel most comfortable with. BetterHelp online attachment therapy gives you the advantage and benefit of high-quality and effective therapy from the comfort of your home.

Get matched with an online attachment style therapist

Effective, convenient, and affordable online sessions. Start by filling out our survey in its entirety.

BetterHelp online methods of therapy and counseling are affordable, convenient, and effective. With a wide variety of attachment therapists to choose from on the BetterHelp platform, you are guaranteed to find the best-suited attachment style therapist for you. Simply complete this questionnaire carefully, get matched and get healed!

What is a healthy attachment style?

Understanding healthy attachment.

A healthy attachment style or a secure attachment style is developed when a child has a healthy relationship and style of interaction with a parent or a primary caregiver. People with the secure attachment style find it very easy to connect with people and cope well with being alone. They have good communication skills and they have no problem expressing their true and honest feelings to others. People with a secure attachment style typically develop a very healthy emotional bond with intimate partners and significant others.

A healthy attachment style is developed from a very young age as a result of a healthy childhood. Healthy traits that are developed in childhood usually carry over into adulthood allowing you to feel very confident within yourself-expression, as well as, are secure in your relationships. Those who have a healthy attachment style commonly have a very positive sense of self and feel loved and cared for by other people.

These are the common characteristics of secure attachment or a healthy attachment in adulthood:

  1. Ability to self-regulate emotions and overwhelming feelings.
  2. Manages being alone well, and rarely struggles with loneliness.
  3. Can easily communicate a need for support.
  4. Resilient and managed relationship challenges well.
  5. A clear understanding of boundaries and how to set them.
  6. Knows when to leave a relationship that no longer serves them.

As with the other four attachment styles, it is possible to change attachment styles or to develop a new and healthy attachment style, however, it does require continuous work, as well as unlearning and understanding of formed habits and behaviors of negative attachment styles.

Can attachment styles change?

It is a commonly asked question about whether attachment styles can change.

According to studies, you can learn how to develop a new or healthy attachment style. Unhealthy attachment styles can be unlearned and changed with the help of a professional attachment style therapist. Learning how to change an attachment style will require you to acknowledge and address your already learned behaviors, or negative reactive coping mechanisms from the attachment style you may have now.

To change an attachment style you need to understand which attachment style you currently have, the primary attachment styles have been identified as;  secure attachment, anxious attachment, and avoidant attachment. It is common for those with secure attachment to be physically healthier, and closer with friends, family, and loved ones. They are less likely to develop depression or other psychological challenges.

How to change attachment style?

Changing an attachment style means rewiring your current attachment style to become more secure and healthy. It requires you to have a better understanding of yourself as well as learn new steps to improve self-esteem and build compassion.

These are some tips that you can try to help yourself build and establish attachment habits and form healthier attachment styles.

1. Identify your attachment style.

This is the most crucial step in changing attachment style. It will help you create a sense of self-awareness and have a clear starting point.

2. Observe and learn from others.

If you know someone who navigates relationships securely and healthily, you can learn from them. Create intentional relationships, friendships, and connections with those with whom you perceive to have a secure attachment style.

3. Practice self-reflection.

It will be beneficial for you to keep track of your journey, this can help you become more aware of distorted behavioral or thought patterns.

4. Keep an emotion journal.

In this journal you will document all your emotions, taking note of recurring emotions and thoughts, when they occur and what your reaction to them is. This identifies patterns. It can also help you understand why you feel a certain way about people’s behaviors or actions.

5. Keep track of evidence.

If you are having trouble with intrusive thoughts that are convincing you that someone doesn’t love you or any kind of negative emotion, keep track of the evidence to help you contrast those negative thoughts with factual evidence.

6. Pause.

If at this point you have concluded that some of your reactions are not based on facts it may be time to hit pause and self-regulate and self-reflect. Doing this can help you calm down and ensure that your reaction is purely based on evidence and not on your assumptions and negative emotions and thoughts.

7. Consider the other.

Many times when emotions are high we tend to act out insecurity or fear. It is in your best interest to think about the other individual. This will help you to remember and be secure with your role in the relationship. Consider whether you are hurting the other person by falsely assuming or accusing them. Remember, you may be pushing away the person that deeply and truly cares about you.

8. Assess holistically.

An important aspect to remember when trying to change an attachment style is to assess the choices you have made. Do you choose people that amplify insecure attachment? Whereas you could be choosing someone that makes you feel a lot more secure with their style of attachment.

9. Effective communication.

The power of effective communication is commonly underestimated. It is important to communicate your honest and true feelings to your partner. This can help them clearly understand your needs and wants and how to meet them for you. This increases confidence in a relationship, as well as provides a safe and secure space.

How to change an anxious attachment style?

Understanding anxious attachment. If you have an anxious attachment style you may regularly find yourself overthinking the intentions and behaviors of those around you. You feel that you need emotional support but struggle to ask for it.

Characteristics of anxious attachment style;

  • Trust issues
  • Unable to express emotions
  • Feels clingy and needy
  • Afraid of intimacy and emotional connections
  • Become fixated on one person
  • Prefer to be alone and independent
  • Struggle to set clear boundaries
  • A constant need for reassurance
  • Intentionally or unintentionally disregard others’ feelings

It is possible to move from anxious attachment to secure attachment. In relationships, it’s important to identify your shortcomings and negative reactions or behaviors. This makes it easier to work together to develop a healthy attachment.

How to change an avoidant attachment style?

What is an avoidant attachment style? The main characteristics of the avoidant attachment style are:

  • Avoids physical touch
  • Refrains from asking for help
  • Finds it challenging to maintain healthy relationships
  • Lacks emotional support
  • Refuses to get close to anyone out of fear of getting hurt
  • Fear of rejection
  • Feels as though independence is more important than partnership
  • Highly independent
  • Refuses to rely on a partner in times of need

Learning how to change an avoidant attachment style can be done by understanding the cause of your attachment style, identifying your triggers, and then developing healthier, positive methods of self-regulation, self-soothing, and reactions. Attachment style therapy can help you effectively change avoidant attachment and form a healthy attachment style.

How does Online attachment style therapy work?

Online attachment style therapy is a learning journey as much as it is a healing one. You are giving yourself and your partner the chance to learn about your attachment style, the causes, and its effects. Through online attachment style therapy, you will be able to openly discuss your thoughts, and ask the questions you may need professional answers to. BetterHelp is a convenient, effective, and affordable method of therapy. You have the advantage of conducting therapy your way, as well as, entirely scheduled based on your availability.

How will Online attachment style therapy improve my life?

The specialty of online attachment style therapy is that you can clearly understand your attachment style as well as your partners’. This can help you identify the flaws in your attachment methods and possible negative behavioral styles and reactions. Learning how to build a more secure attachment style through attachment style therapy can help you clearly define your goals and objectives. Online attachment style therapy will help you to develop more meaningful and long-lasting healthy relationships and attachment styles. You will become more secure within yourself and your relationships, as well as, be comfortable with expressing your true emotions. This will make you a stronger individual as well as lead you to live a happy and fulfilled life. 

attachment style therapy

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