How to Achieve a Healthy Relationship With an Anxious Avoidant Attachment? Best Online Attachment Therapy for Adults.
Is it possible to maintain or achieve a healthy relationship regardless of which attachment style you have? Yes.
However, certain attachment styles may have different challenges that will require more attention and effort to manage and overcome these challenges.
If you have an anxious-avoidant attachment style, identifying your emotional and physical triggers will make it easier to develop healthy dating habits and relationships.
How do I find an online attachment therapist?
An online attachment therapist is the best option for someone who has an anxious-avoidant attachment style and is looking to learn how to achieve a healthy relationship.
With the help of an anxious-avoidant attachment style specialist, you will be able to figure out how to achieve healthy relationships. Find a therapist that understands, supports, and encourages you.
With BetterHelp, you will be connected and matched with an attachment specialist in less than 24 hours. Simply fill out this questionnaire carefully in its entirety, shortly thereafter, you will be matched with the best-suited attachment therapists to choose from.
You have the option of changing therapists if you are not entirely satisfied. BetterHelp attachment therapists are professional, certified, and vastly experienced in their field.
Rest assured, BetterHelp has the best online attachment therapy for you.
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What is anxious-avoidant attachment?
What happens to someone with an anxious-avoidant attachment style?
Anxious avoidant attachment makes it challenging to connect with others. They are deeply insecure and distrusting of others’ intentions even though they secretly desire and long for deep connections and personal relationships with others. Although the attachment style causes them to suffer from very conflicting emotions, feelings, and thoughts.
These people tend to isolate themselves out of fear of being abandoned, neglected, or rejected. If someone has an anxious avoidant attachment style they tend to always have an exit strategy when in a relationship. They are afraid of commitment and intimacy and will regularly complain of feeling suffocated, boxed-in or overwhelmed by a partner when they become vulnerable, emotional or ‘too close’.
Avoidant attachment causes you to withhold feelings or information from friends, family and intimate partners. They are highly self-efficient and independent, and will by all means not rely on anyone or become too dependent on others. Consequently, this negatively impacts their ability to develop and maintain healthy and long-lasting relationships with friends and potential partners.
What causes anxious-avoidant attachment?
All forms of attachment are primarily based on the interaction and relationship that we had with our parents or caregivers during childhood and early stages of development.
However, this is not the only factor to consider, throughout our lives, during adolescence and adulthood we create relationships, connections as well as experiences with people. These also heavily influence the type of attachment that we develop.
As you become romantically involved with intimate partners you also discover the types of attachment that you may have through friends and other family relationships, as well as other experiences, which act as a contributing cause of anxious avoidant attachment.
During childhood, being exposed to experiencing life-changing events or abuse, as well as dismissive and inconsistent behavior from a parent or a primary caregiver is also another cause of developing anxious attachment.
How to make anxious avoidant relationships work?
What is anxious-avoidant relationship in a relationship?
Dating with an anxious avoidant attachment style can be challenging. If you are the person who has always struggled with high-levels of anxiety and needing more affection or reassurance from a partner and when you don’t get that you are triggered and feel more on edge. Reaching out to a professional attachment specialist can help you alleviate your anxieties, practice healthier methods of self-regulation and eventually break the anxious attachment cycle.
It is possible to achieve a healthy relationship despite having an anxious avoidant attachment style.
The first step is to understand how a partner with anxious-avoidant attachment behaves, this way you will both be able to identify, manage, and communicate emotional and physical triggers.
Tips to help you make an anxious attachment relationship work:
1. Avoid triggering each other
Communication is the most crucial factor of achieving a healthy relationship, particularly one involving anxious-avoidant attachment. Knowing your partner’s attachment style can help you know which specific verbal triggers to avoid during conversations.
2. Pay attention to how you act
Start by setting clear expectations and boundaries, this can help you figure out confusing or mixed signals you may have in the relationship.
3. Decide what you want
Write a list of the things that make you unhappy and need improvement, take note of feelings and behaviors that you want to replace. Use these as a guideline to achieve a healthy relationship.
4. Be brave
In an anxious avoidant attachment relationship, you need to figure out where you need and want it to go. Separate how you are feeling and allow space to see how the other person is feeling without judging them based on your emotions.
5. Don’t hold onto it if it doesn’t serve you
A lot of the time, people hold onto relationships that no longer serve them because they feel that there is ‘potential’. In some cases there might be but if you seem to be chasing a fantasy, it may be time to let go.
6. Focus on resolving your problems first
This goes a long way when working towards achieving a healthy relationship. Instead of projecting your emotions and inner conflict onto your partner, it can be helpful to resolve your challenges first.
Can attachment styles change?
It is a commonly asked question about whether attachment styles can change.
According to studies, you can learn how to develop a new or healthy attachment style. Unhealthy attachment styles can be unlearned and changed with the help of a professional attachment style therapist. Learning how to change an attachment style will require you to acknowledge and address your already learned behaviors, or negative reactive coping mechanisms from the attachment style you may have now.
To change an attachment style you need to understand which attachment style you currently have, the primary attachment styles have been identified as; secure attachment, anxious attachment, and avoidant attachment. It is common for those with secure attachment to be physically healthier, and closer with friends, family, and loved ones. They are less likely to develop depression or other psychological challenges.
What are the advantages of a secure attachment relationship?
Secure attachment in a relationship has a vast amount of advantages. Not only does it strengthen your connection, but additionally enhances personal development.
Discover how you can benefit personally from secure attachment in a relationship through secure attachment therapy.
The advantages of secure attachment in a relationship:
- The boundaries are clear, healthy, and respected.
Respect for your partner’s boundaries and “no-go-zones”, is important. In a relationship with secure attachment, one of the advantages is that healthy, solid boundaries are set with clear lines of flexibility. This helps you maintain personal space and safety while understanding each other’s needs and wants for respect. Saying “yes” or “no” is easy and respected.
- Social network.
Socializing outside of your relationship with friends helps the relationship build trust. Often a securely attached partner will not be clingy but rather encourage you to engage in social activities and personal interests.
- Secure trust.
There are no doubts about a partner’s faithfulness, you know that they are loyal to you and will always have your back. They will trust that you will always uphold the commitment you’ve both made and are very seldomly jealous.
- Clear, open, and effective communication.
Many relationships go south very fast because one or both intimate partners expect their significant other to read their minds or anticipate needs and wants. A healthy advantage of secure attachment in a relationship allows for both partners to openly express their wants, needs, thoughts, and feelings. Creating a safe space for two-way communication.
- Authentic interest.
An advantage of secure attachment in a relationship is the desire to deepen the connection. A partner will be genuinely interested in your dreams and ambitions and support and encourage them. They will always show a keen interest and curiosity about you and continue to want to know you better each day. The reciprocation of this creates a stronger and closer bond between you two.
It requires immense strength and courage to be vulnerable. In a healthy relationship, vulnerability should be encouraged, respected, and supported. An advantage of secure attachment in a relationship can establish a safe and transparent method of expressing fears, insecurities, and doubts. This builds trust.
- No unchecked baggage.
It’s almost inevitable that issues from the past will find their way into your relationship. Talking about your past in the beginning stages of a relationship and establishing safe solutions can eliminate unnecessary negativity and disagreement.
- Constant security, regard, and growth.
A partner that consistently reassures you that they love, respect, and trusts you can build a healthy secure attachment. Knowing that they are there to support you no matter what generally has a healthy effect on the relationship. Displaying gratitude, respect, and admiration for one another is another advantage healthy of secure attachment in a relationship.
To improve and personalize your methods of secure attachment in a relationship and benefit from the advantages, therapy for secure attachment is highly recommended.
How to move from anxious attachment to secure?
Identifying your attachment style early in a relationship can be extremely advantageous to you and your relationship. It will help you understand your needs and wants, as well as, learn how to communicate them to your partner.
Moving from anxious attachment to secure attachment in a relationship is a journey in which you will need immense courage and support to do. It is possible from anxious attachment to secure attachment with the help of a professional secure attachment therapist or specialist.
Top 5 tips that can help you move from anxious attachment to secure attachment in a relationship:
1. Understand yourself.
If you’ve identified that you have an anxious attachment style, you should try to use other people around you to help you regulate your emotions. Learn to talk to your partner about your anxieties, fears, and doubts. This can help you become more comfortable expressing yourself. Alternatively, a secure attachment therapist can help you with this.
2. Avoid talking at people and rather connect.
A common trait of someone that has an anxious attachment style is that they are aloof and tend to shut down emotionally, causing them to come across as cold. Try to take a step back and reassess how you’re communicating.
3. Deal with and let go of past disappointments.
Anxious attachment can cause you to hold onto all the times you’ve been disappointed and hurt. Learn to let go of that because it can lead you to hold that over your current partner out of fear. Forgiveness and trust can be built this way.
4. Take note of secure attachment in other relationships.
The best way to learn is to experience. Moving from anxious attachment to secure attachment in a relationship, it would be helpful to observe the behaviors and traits of someone that has a secure attachment style and use that as guidance.
5. Leave relationships where your needs are not met.
If your partner is not supportive or does not understand your attachment style and shows no interest in helping you overcome anxious attachment, you should remove yourself.
How to overcome insecure attachment to achieve emotionally healthy relationships?
Although it is common to hear that most people feel as though it is impossible to overcome an insecure attachment. It is highly possible to overcome an insecure attachment style. It requires hard work as well as guidance, support, and encouragement from a professional insecure attachment specialist.
Overcoming insecure attachment in order to develop a secure unhealthy attachment style, can help you express emotions and feelings effectively to a partner.
Insecure attachment specialists advise you to learn how to overcome insecure attachment and develop a more secure and healthy attachment style. Start with methods of self-regulation and practice positive affirmations to help you build healthy self-esteem and a strong sense of confidence.
Emotionally healthy relationships require you to be more confident and happy with yourself, as well as, better understand your causes, triggers, and expectations of your own emotions, wants, and needs before creating expectations from a partner.
When someone learns to develop a more secure healthy attachment style they are developing a sense of independence as well as autonomy. This ensures that you feel more secure in a relationship as well as be stable and confident with your emotions, feelings, and methods of expression.
These tips are advised to try when overcoming insecure attachment:
1. Knowledge and understanding.
Read up about your attachment style or ask a professional attachment specialist for advice. This puts you in a better position to keep track of your attachment patterns, triggers, and reactions.
2. Attachment specialist.
It can be confusing to clearly and accurately identify signs and symptoms of insecure attachment, its causes, and triggers -it is always best to get professional and educated advice.
3. Practice affirmations.
Write down a lot of things that you like about yourself and practice saying these things to yourself daily in the mirror. What this does is it helps to rebuild self-esteem and confidence.
4. Seek out partners and friends with secure attachment.
By doing this you can either help you take note of their patterns and incorporate them in your daily life. Alternatively you can end up in a relationship with someone who will offer you security and help you overcome insecure attachment.
5. Practice makes perfect.
Continue to remind yourself of what you want, your needs, and why you’re on this journey to overcome insecure attachment. Every day will be different but remember that the end goal is emotionally healthy relationships and a better you.
How to love without attachment?
Healthy attachment in a relationship builds a strong foundation of trust, intimacy, and loyalty between two people. Sometimes, one or both partners can develop unhealthy attachment styles or behaviors and habits that can cause negative feelings and ineffective relationship dynamics.
A healthy form of attachment allows both people to remain independent and as individuals while enjoying the relationship.
Can you love without attachment? Yes.
Some couples emotionally detach from their partner as a way of maintaining a healthy emotional balance.
It’s important to understand the risks and benefits of emotional detachment before attempting any strategies. A healthy amount of detachment can make a relationship stronger. It allows you to be unaffected by your partner’s emotional state or reactive behaviors for example.
It is entirely possible to love someone without attachment. Loving someone without attachment is loving someone for who they are and as they are. Never trying to change them or stop them from pursuing personal ambitions and interests.
To love someone without attachment is to love them selflessly, to let go not get too attached to experiences that may lead to expectations. Learning how to love without attachment requires you to be less reliant on your partner as your sole source of happiness, but instead, take responsibility for your growth, peace, and emotional needs.
To love someone without attachment does not mean that you are entirely emotionally disconnected and do not care about them. It is quite the opposite.
When you love someone without attachment you are loving them without expecting anything. To love them through the good and bad emotions that they may feel or react to. Loving without attachment allows you to manage expectations and focus on self-love. This creates space for partners to love one another unconditionally.
Tips to take on how to love without attachment:
- Love without expectation
- Fully accept your partner as they are
- Learn to be a source of happiness for yourself
- Be as honest as possible
- Let go of possessing ownership over your partner
- Practice freedom and autonomy
- Find inner peace
- Let go of fear
These are tips that can help you learn how to love without attachment. An attachment counselor can guide you through further discovering how you can introduce these steps into your relationship.
How does online attachment therapy for adults work?
BetterHelp online attachment therapy is for adults who are looking for ways to fix an anxious attachment relationship or want to know how to achieve a healthy relationship. It is a convenient, effective and highly affordable method of attachment therapy.
BetterHelp healing methods of attachment therapy gives you the high standard of professional therapy from your home.
How will online attachment therapy help me achieve a healthy relationship?
Professional help, guidance and support from a specialist in attachment styles will help you overcome your anxieties, doubts and fears of attachment.
Through personal sessions, you will learn to understand your anxious avoidant attachment style and figure out how to identify and avoid your triggers.
At the end of your anxious avoidant therapy journey, you will be confident, self-secure and able to maintain a healthy, loving and long-lasting relationship.
For further information on online methods of therapy and counseling services, please visit:
- How to overcome attachment reactive disorder in adults?
- Warning signs of emotional detachment in a relationship
- How to deal with jealousy in open relationship
- Adopted adults attachment disorder
- Signs and effects of disinhibited social engagement disorder in adults
- Detachment from a loved one
- Emotional abandonment in marriage